I hope it’s ok that I am putting our vulnerabilities in the streets like this. After all, we work so hard to hide our battles with our perfect Colgate smiles, GQ-approved style, and unapologetic captions on Instagram.
This love letter is for you – the strong friend that everyone looks up to, but behind that Colgate smile, you’re tired. Tired of being disappointed in yourself and in others, tired of feeling like you’re not good enough for that job or that partner, tired of feeling incomplete, tired of feeling lost, tired of thinking you’re steps behind everyone else, tired of starting all over again, tired of waking up every single day to be tired.
Some days, every thing seems to be looking up and we think “aight, we got this” and other days…well, the day ends and we make it back to bed in one piece (or we don’t leave at all). I’m not sure how you woke up this morning, but I wonder if you know these about yourself:
You have work to do:
- Oh you thought this was going to be some “you are perfectly perfect” moment? Nah fam. We are not throwing a pity party for ourselves. You are too talented, too beautiful, too creative to waste away. You are here for a reason. You deserve to be whole, to be happy, regardless of what people say or how many times they’ve failed you. Yes, you’ve gotten 100 big NO in this year alone, but you’re not going to get that YES if you quit now. Start where you are right now, start with what you have, start with who you know, get. to. work.
You need help:
- Your cry for help isn’t a weepy, weak cry. It’s a cry for change. Cry yourself a river and build a bridge and walk over that ish. We’ve been told that asking for help means that you are weak or incompetent. We have dealt with trauma that we didn’t ask for and we need help to fight through this. This is us vs. life, and we are not going to tap out prematurely. Talk through that trauma with an actual professional who doesn’t have any stake in your life. Find that spiritual or psychological grounding to give you hope. Our friends and partners are not therapists and they shouldn’t have to shoulder that emotional burden for us, so we are going to heal because we can only be whole for them when we are whole for ourselves.
Your rest days are not lazy days:
- Rest. For the love of God, rest. You are putting in the work and you are asking for help, but take a break when when your body tells you to rest. We won’t get the job done if you put in 100% of trash effort with 20% efficiency isn’t going to get the job done. However, we need 100% of good effort and 100% efficiency to win. Taking a day off from that great idea doesn’t mean it will fall apart. It means that you have worked hard, you deserve some time for yourself to focus, and you’re coming back better and stronger. Just remember that rest days should end.
You are not someone’s version of you:
- Everyone has their idea of who you are and who you should be, from the moment you were born until now. You have tried to live up to their expectations, because you think you owe it to them to be their version of “perfect.” You are not a character in their video game that they can mold to their liking. You are you- own it and whoever doesn’t want to help you to be the best version of who you want to be is not the one for your life.
If you are the “strong” friend: be honest when someone asks you “how are you?”
If you are my warrior friend who is fighting with the perfect smile and broken heart: keep putting in work. You are getting better. I care about you and you are definitely not alone.
If you are my friend who has this mental healthcare figured : Gently offer your help and your ears. Be gentle with people who are just starting out. Remember that you had your struggle days too.
Happy International World Mental Health Day.
Love,
Your Warrior Homegirl, L.O
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